Losing my mom destroyed me. I thought I was prepared,
because I had in essence lost her years before. But it has taken me years to
realize the toll that the devastation actually took on my life, on my
relationships. It took me moving across the state, losing myself and finally
finding my self again in the hearts of some amazing friends to realize how far
gone I really was…
You see, my mom was MY PERSON. The Dolly-Mama was usually
the first one I called/texted, often before I got out of bed and most often the
last at night. We talked on my way to work/school and on my way home. She is
who I shared my ups and downs with, and was the first one I turned to when
anything was wrong. Until that something wrong…was her. And then I was lost.
And then Jay became my person, which was LONG overdue. But
the toll it took on my relationships with my friends was especially
devastating. I developed such a fear of losing those close to me that I became
almost a hermit. I became very closed off and my circle became increasingly
smaller, to the point where it was TINY right before we moved.
Then we moved, which in some ways saved my life. I am
extremely blessed to absolutely LOVE my in-laws and my husband’s entire
extended family. Our move meant that we would now be living much closer to
almost all of them (and there are a LOT of them!) But it also meant starting
over, at a new school and finding new friends. And finding new friends isn’t easy
when you are closed off, when you are too scared to lose people that you can’t
open yourself up. It took me a long time to realize that losing one person was
costing me so many others. It took me years in fact. But I am finally healing
and I am finally trusting. And the amazing friends that I have found have
become so much more than friends, they have become family.
