I freaking HATE rules... and our ever growing circle...

I HATE rules. I'm just going to put that out there. I realize that as someone who is officially halfway (WOOHOO!) through my teaching career "that is inappropriate" as Savy would say. I'm also thinking that the double digit tattoos, and multiple piercings (that have been here and gone) would also lend themselves to the 'non-rule following' personality as well. I don't know, for all of my tendencies to be very much like my son...I'm just not into creating a bunch of rules for everyone else to follow, heck I have a hard enough time following the ones I'm supposed to...

If you are wondering WHERE the heck this is going today...I'm having some issues with autism. You see, it's summer time...it SHOULD be fun, carefree, lazy, no schedules, FREE time...doesn't that sound great?? Yeah...not so much in our house....you see most of those things have a tendency to wreak havoc...no schedule = YIKES, free time = PANIC MODE...so while the school year tends to create anxiety and exhaustion, there is a comfort in that schedule...Summer just creates...yikes, and panic, and ANGER! and then he starts making rules...rules about this, rules about that. Rules for this game. Rules for who picks that movie. Rules for what we do in the car. Rules for who will do this then...and that...OMG...the RULES....see, I hate them. I know it isn't easy being him, and I wouldn't change him for the world...I just wish there weren't so many rules ;)

We had a few weeks at the beginning of summer when we were wrapping things up in our classrooms and we had a BIG wedding that the kids were involved in...I think we have finally settled into a decent summer routine.  We are back to attending baseball games on the weekends the Tourists are home (missed one home-stand because of the wedding, yikes ;) I will be creating Chore Charts for the kids this week, and then a weekly schedule (kinda like a camp would have) just so there is some predictability for him.

I get mad sometimes, frustrated really.  Because people just don't understand. I mean, they try...and most people mean well...but unless you have a child with special needs, a child that just requires so much more, a child that is just exhausting, emotionally, physically draining...then you just don't get it. Now don't get me wrong...there is not one thing that I would change about my life. However, I know that I have paid the price of Asperger's in my life...with my health, in my family, in my marriage, in many relationships...probably the biggest price we pay is in friendships.  My husband and I talk about 'our circle' all the time, and just how hard it is for us to even have any friends. I mean...sure we have acquaintances, and there are lots of people that I work with that I call friends...but I am talking about those people that you can call any time to just drop the kids off with so you can go do something.  You see, when you have a very High Maintenance kid...you can't just leave him anywhere...with anyone. 'Our circle' is VERY small. But...it's getting bigger. Slowly but surely... It shrunk drastically when my mom got sick...that rocked his world, because she 'got him' better than I do.  But he still has his Grand (who happens to be coming to whisk him away this week ;) and Opa...they 'get him.' And even though Tuckin married That Boy...that just made the circle bigger...

Here's to ever growing circles...and enjoying summer...

Moving Forward...

I took some steps today - back, but forward. Back into the swing of our old lives, so I / we can start moving forward again. I am making myself type this with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, because it's time. I reread one of my favorite quotes today..."Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle." --Plato It is SO true of so many of my close friends yet they are the kindest people I know. This Blog was my New Year's Resolution - but then I just couldn't. There were more important things to do. Trips to the hospital, to rehab, therapy, healing - I just couldn't. Now I have come to realize that I have to - because life will never be the same, she will never be the same, I will never be the same...and I need to share some of those things. I'm still not used to not being able to call her all day long - it's hard during the summer. I used to call her before I was even out of bed most of the time. I still find it hard just to get out of the bed sometimes...I'm not being melodramatic - it's just that I think life has changed the most (most dramatically) for her and for me, and it is still a shock to my system at times.

So about today - we took some steps back into the swing of our old lives and the kids and I went to youth group...had a little Madness fun. It was just what we needed - to be surrounded by our friends and great kids. These are a bunch of people who have loved our crazy kids since before the existed - and love them even more when they do REALLY crazy things like pee in their shorts! And I needed to see that there's a part of my life that is marching forward, that IS staying the same. And that's the love and support of our Awesome friends!