What a Difference a Year Makes...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)

A year ago today my life was so different. I had a Mom, or she was alive at least. My Mom as I knew her had been gone for a few years, but at least a small part of her was still physically around. My dad was alive, but I didn't really have a dad. We had basically mutually given up on each other years ago, on any meaningful relationship. Years of childhood hurts, then the teen years, and even some struggles as an adult. I believe every parent does the best they can, with what they know, and with how they were taught/raised. Was my childhood difficult? At times, yes. Do I know tons of kids who have difficult lives? Yes. You still have a choice every day to rise above...

A year ago I had good friends, that I was pretty sure that I could count on for anything. And I had some great family members that I was close to, but I did not make a point to see or talk to them enough.

And then it happened. Tomorrow. 3-15-2012. The day that changed everything. The ides of March. The day she never woke up, the day she stopped fighting. It didn't surprise me or catch me off guard, I was ready. But it broke my heart nonetheless. It broke my heart to tell my babies, it broke my heart as I realized she was GONE, and for a while it broke my spirit.

But I never lost faith. And I leaned on those friends. I learned to ask for help and to reach out...which has never been easy for me. And those good friends I had last year, I count many of them as family now. Those family members...mainly my Aunt Donna (mom's twin sister) and my cousin Gene...I have seen them even more this year. I am blessed to have her as a "s'parent" I know everyone isn't as blessed. And I have cousins that are like siblings, that I've seen a couple times this year even though we live 800 miles apart. Not to mention our almost daily interactions, we are very similar and make great sounding boards for each other.

Our immediate family is so blessed. I know that Jay and I can weather ANY storm, without a doubt. And our babies have experienced so much death, yet have so much faith. Just the other day Savy said..."You know, Friday is Mom-moms birthday. Cuz the day someone dies and goes to heaven is like a birthday too!" Yeah...they get it.

Probably the biggest difference this year is that I DO have a dad now. I talk to him or text him every week. We see him almost every week. After Mom's memorial service we sprinkled her ashes in FL at the beginning of May. That was the last time I talked to my dad, and I honestly did not think I would ever speak to him again. Then, in September, out of the blue he called. Actually it wasn't out of the blue, and there is a lot to the story...but that is for another blog. Just suffice it to say that God is in charge. Like I told someone the other day...I had an AMAZING relationship with my mom, and I got 40 years with her. If God took her so that I could have a relationship with my dad, I'm ok with that, I consider myself blessed.

Yes, blessed indeed.