What a Difference a Year Makes...

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4 NIV)

A year ago today my life was so different. I had a Mom, or she was alive at least. My Mom as I knew her had been gone for a few years, but at least a small part of her was still physically around. My dad was alive, but I didn't really have a dad. We had basically mutually given up on each other years ago, on any meaningful relationship. Years of childhood hurts, then the teen years, and even some struggles as an adult. I believe every parent does the best they can, with what they know, and with how they were taught/raised. Was my childhood difficult? At times, yes. Do I know tons of kids who have difficult lives? Yes. You still have a choice every day to rise above...

A year ago I had good friends, that I was pretty sure that I could count on for anything. And I had some great family members that I was close to, but I did not make a point to see or talk to them enough.

And then it happened. Tomorrow. 3-15-2012. The day that changed everything. The ides of March. The day she never woke up, the day she stopped fighting. It didn't surprise me or catch me off guard, I was ready. But it broke my heart nonetheless. It broke my heart to tell my babies, it broke my heart as I realized she was GONE, and for a while it broke my spirit.

But I never lost faith. And I leaned on those friends. I learned to ask for help and to reach out...which has never been easy for me. And those good friends I had last year, I count many of them as family now. Those family members...mainly my Aunt Donna (mom's twin sister) and my cousin Gene...I have seen them even more this year. I am blessed to have her as a "s'parent" I know everyone isn't as blessed. And I have cousins that are like siblings, that I've seen a couple times this year even though we live 800 miles apart. Not to mention our almost daily interactions, we are very similar and make great sounding boards for each other.

Our immediate family is so blessed. I know that Jay and I can weather ANY storm, without a doubt. And our babies have experienced so much death, yet have so much faith. Just the other day Savy said..."You know, Friday is Mom-moms birthday. Cuz the day someone dies and goes to heaven is like a birthday too!" Yeah...they get it.

Probably the biggest difference this year is that I DO have a dad now. I talk to him or text him every week. We see him almost every week. After Mom's memorial service we sprinkled her ashes in FL at the beginning of May. That was the last time I talked to my dad, and I honestly did not think I would ever speak to him again. Then, in September, out of the blue he called. Actually it wasn't out of the blue, and there is a lot to the story...but that is for another blog. Just suffice it to say that God is in charge. Like I told someone the other day...I had an AMAZING relationship with my mom, and I got 40 years with her. If God took her so that I could have a relationship with my dad, I'm ok with that, I consider myself blessed.

Yes, blessed indeed.

Are you content?

'Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content.' (1 Timothy 6:6-8 NLT)


I think a huge problem in today's world is that many people don't know how to be content anymore. Everyone wants MORE. They convince themselves that they NEED more. Everything about how they live has to do with this pursuit of....more. They are never content. They can't just...BE. I think that I am a pretty content person. now don't get me wrong...I absolutely LOVE to read...I need to KNOW things, and love to learn...but my life, how I live...I am content. My life is all about serving others. I don't need any more, I don't need more things, more money (I would just give it away to help others) I have ALL I need. I have an AMAZING God who loves me despite myself. I have an amazing husband, and these riduculously amazing kids. What more could I want? I feel sorry for so many people that we know that feel the need to keep aquiring 'stuff' or keep needing MORE. More money, better cars, bigger houses...they are never content. They are never satisfied, they will NEVER have enough...and honestly what GOOD are they doing with what they have?? Do they need MORE so that they can help others? Are they aquiring more to give it away? To serve others? I don't get it...

There are some changes taking place in the Norton household. Nothing major, and ALL for the better...I guess you could say that we weren't content ;) I think the 'pre-teen' behavior struggles are beginning and we are wanting to make sure we have a handle on them. We are cutting back a little on some activities, not running ourselves so ragged. More relaxed family time together, weekly Family Meetings. And most of all...more time spent with Him. Now that IS all I need...

As always, blessed to be the Nortons4

Happy New Year

I've got to be honest...there's a part of me that is glad that 2012 is over. It was definitely a year of tests, a year spent 'in the fire' and while part of me is glad its over...I wouldn't change any of it. Now I KNOW that some of you just read that and said..."um, Shan?..." But really, for all of the tests, heartache, loss...I wouldn't change a thing, because in the end I feel as if I have come out BLESSED beyond measure.

I have said before that I know undoubtedly that Mom having her stroke saved Jay and I...it brought us closer together, and made God our focus. I used to think that I couldn't live with out her...that I HAD to have my mom around. God showed me that I would be just fine without her...as long as I put Him first. What I finally learned this year, through many heartaches, and many losses...was that there was only ONE who I couldn't live without...God, and as long as I focused on Him, put Him first...then I would be fine.

It was a tough year, personally...professionally...mom, job issues, personal issues. They took their toll. But through them all, I put Him first...and amazing things happened. We had the opportunity to help out a family/friend. We were able to develop some friendships into very important relationships. The kids are getting older, so football season seemed a bit more manageable. And since our Sunday School class started going to the games...I even started sitting in the stands...sometimes ;) Honestly though, if it weren't for the amazing group of Coach's Wives (and a few select parents) I'm not sure how any of us would make it through...

But I digress...because my point is, I am SO Blessed. I am blessed to have all those people sit around me as a buffer in the stands. Blessed to be in a circle of Coach's Wives together, with other precious ladies who get it! Blessed to work at a place that is more a family...than a job. Blessed to have some amazing friends, who are truly family. Blessed to have some family that are some amazing friends. Blessed to have some family that I am finally learning to trust and love. Blessed that I had the amazing gift of 40 years with the best mom ever. Blessed that I have learned that forgiveness and love is so much better than pride. Blessed to spend my days with God and my Nortons4

She waited her WHOLE life for this…

Kids say the darndest things huh. Or the wisest, depends on how you look at it. There will be more in the weeks ahead, but this is all I’ve got right now… So as most anybody who will read this knows, my sweet, precious Dolly-Mama passed away last Thursday. Most of you that have know her for a LONG time, knew that she had a stroke about 3 years ago. January 5, 2009 to be exact…the day my life and hers, forever changed.  She was never the same after that. She recovered physically, slowly, mostly…but communication was difficult. And she was never quite the same.  She never got ’her life’ back…sure, she was alive but she wasn’t living HER life. She was living this life that someone else created for her, that fit into theirs…Her old life was HERS…she did what she wanted, which was mostly centered around helping others, and her grandkids.  Watching her with them is by far my favorite memory. We would go to the forest, or to Carl Sandburg or just to a park…as long as they were with their Mom-mom and she was with her Justice and Savy, it was all good. And they would walk, and talk (and talk, and talk, and talk ;) according to Grand…and THAT is all that mattered.

 

But all of that changed 3 years ago, and it was hard. Hard for all of us, we lost our mom,  and our Mom-mom.  So now, we are a little sad, but we know that she was ready, she was tired, she missed HER mom.  She didn’t like this life she was pushed into, it wasn’t hers. And she was done. We know that we will see her again and when we do she will be happy, not sad and depressed like she has been for so long now.

My mom was my best friend and I do miss her, but I also realize that God has blessed me beyond belief. My mom has a twin sister, and she has always been there for me too. My Aunt Donna is like a second mother to me, and I grew up pretty close with her children as well. I am closer with my cousins, who have always been there for me, than I am my own sister. Another one of my precious blessings is my wonderful MIL, Jane. I am wise enough to know that not everyone has a relationship like ours, and I thank God for it, and her daily. So, while I mourn the loss of my mom, I know that she left me in very good, capable hands - for she loved these two ladies as much as I do.

So - about the title…Our kids stayed at the hotel with Jane for a couple nights during all the craziness last weekend. At one point they were talking and Jane said “On Monday we have Mom-mom’s funeral” and as she said it, she almost second guessed herself because she wasn’t sure if we had used that term yet. Well, as she says it Savy responds, arms in the air “YEAH! Mom-mom’s funeral!!” OOPs, thinks Jane, “well, it’s not really something to be happy and excited about Savy.” to which Savy responds “Why not? She’s waited her WHOLE life for this!” Out of the mouths of babes…

Less is More...or...what REALLY matters...

You may want to pull up a comfy chair, get a fresh drink...this may be a lengthy one ;)

Many of you have heard me say that I am blessed before...but I have spent some time reflecting this holiday season and I am just So humbled by how blessed I truly am.  First, I want to explain that our holidays are a bit different than most other people's are..this is by our choice, and has come from years of lessons learned and God showing us His plan. Holidays have always been a very stressful time for our family...people with autism/aspergers (ie. Justice ;) don't always do well with all the chaos, crowds (even if they are family), schedule changes, surprises, etc.  And unfortunately not everyone 'gets' this... I truly believe that my mom's stroke happened almost 3 years ago for several reasons. It slowed us down and made us reevaluate all the running around, getting here and there, etc and made us cherish just BEING with each other. It made us realize that is it relationships, people, and serving...that truly matter, not things, stuff... On some level, 'losing' a part of my mom - saved me and saved our marriage.  It wasn't until she got sick that I learned how to surrender to God, because of that Jay and I have undoubtedly grown closer than ever before.  I know that before, I relied too heavily on my mom - now it is Jay and I, together with God...facing the world.

Our focus for the holidays is now on others, and spending time with each other.  During the school year we are so busy, we don't have time for Family Game nights, movies, just BEING. So the kids have made their ornaments to give away, shopped for their needy children, and now we are just spending time together.  We have watched movies, played games, snuggled, loved, made memories. We have relaxed, not been stressed, had a nice meal, will go see the Gingerbread Houses at Grove Park tomorrow, and then get ready to head to the Belk Bowl. Yes, our sports loving family has managed to fit in a sporting event into the holidays...part of our Christmas is getting together with some of our family in Charlotte to support NCSU at the Belk Bowl. I'm really going to see Daughtry and Edwin McCain, but Shhh, don't tell ;)

As I think about my blessings this year and some of the changes we have faced it is so comforting to know that God has placed us where he wants us to be. Jay is working back at East and that is such a blessing, for both our family and all of those students. There is nothing that I am more sure of than the fact that it is our mission to work with middle and high school students.  One of the biggest and hardest changes of our year also had to do with students, middle, high school, and ours. We made the excruciating decision to change churches, and once again it was certainly a 'God thing'...lol We had been 'visiting '(First Baptist of East Flat Rock) Savy's church, as we called it for a long time, then it became our 'spare church'...and finally, long after it felt like home...it officially became OUR church. There is SO much that we love about our church - we love our youth, who we are very actively involved with...we love the Children's program...and their leaders Colby and Lindsey. But most of all we simply love our church family, they are such a blessing.

I believe that I am very blessed by the man in my life. I am not quite sure most days why he puts up with me, then again I guess that God knew we needed each other. I am also truly blessed with these sweet babies, even when they are driving me nuts. I wouldn't want it any other way...

I stole this part from a friend, but the following are just several things that through the years I have come to believe (many probably come from my MIL, she's the wisest lady I know ;)


I...

....at any given time, every person is doing the very best they can, with the resources they currently have.

....most people will have to kiss a few frogs before they find their Prince.

....that it is only through God's sweet and generous grace that I am where I am today.

....God has a master plan for us, that sometimes involves great pain...we must be willing and open to feel that pain in order to reap the benefits and great rewards.

....it is more beneficial for our girls to hear "You is kind, you is smart, you is important" and "You is strong, you is capable, you is funny" than to hear "You are a beautiful princess"

....forgiveness does so much more for the person doing the forgiving, than the one being forgiven. That being said...people move in AND out of our lives for a reason.

....that some of our closest 'family' members, were born to completely different families, and by the same token...it is OKAY for some family members to be strangers.

....that certain movies (Facing the Giants, Sandlot, Finding Forrester) will teach us 'Life's Lessons' better than life will.

....I will never be prepared to attend the funerals of my former students, and I have already lost too many.

....that children are our future, but raising them in today's world is the hardest and scariest job, well...second to teaching middle school ;)

....most people spend too much time being angry or bitter, if only they would push forward with a 'happy heart'...eventually the clouds would part.

....that I have the funniest, sweetest kids that I know, and they love Jesus - and THAT makes a Mama happy!

....that I did not come to know Jesus as my Savior until I was an adult...BUT it was mainly due to some key adults who invested their time, energy, love, and prayer into me as a child/teen, I am eternally grateful and determined to give back.

....that some of my strongest supporters are people who I rarely see, but interact with through social media, txting, etc.

....that one day I will find a way to have my group home for homeless teens...one day.

....that there is no such thing as being 'caught up' with laundry.

....some people, children, babies, will teach us more in 1 week, 3 months, 13 months, 8 years, 21 years...than some other people will teach us in a lifetime.

I believe that there are blessings every day as a Norton4...

Ch..Ch..Ch..Changes...yet, not so much ;)

So...it's the holiday season again, otherwise known as 2 months of hell when you have an Autistic kid. I'm not being ugly, I'm just saying..that crowds, and chaos, and changes in routine, and over stimulation are NOT the things that spell J-O-Y or make for a Happy Heart...when that heart is wrapped up in an Asperger boy's body. That is ONE of the reasons that we made some ch..ch..ch..changes to our holiday routine last year. The other (main) one is that we felt that our kids just weren't 'getting it'...well that and they already have enough STUFF.  If you are a new reader of my blog...GO BACK ;) read last year's Blog about..Giving Away Christmas...this could have been titled - Giving it Away..part II.

But seriously, they don't NEED all that stuff.  They have clothes, books, games, toys, and most importantly PARENTS who spend time with them. On top of that they have extended family AND an AMAZING church family, youth group, etc who they SPEND TIME WITH. There are too many kids out there who have NONE of that...who have very little clothes, toys, etc...and who have NO ONE spending any time with them.  Our kids are blessed, and they have spent a great deal of time this holiday season...giving back. This year in addition to their much anticipated (and much loved) Advent calendar from their Dear Mrs. Lois...we decided that I would also create an Advent calendar for them.  I made 2 origami envelopes for each day...1 had a scripture card in it that is taking them through the story of Jesus' birth. Found it here..
http://printable.tipjunkie.com/printable-christmas-story-advent-cards/ LOVE me some Tip Junkie! And the other has had an activity or 'fun thing' according to the kids...

So far the funniest day (to me) has been the day that Justice was reading "...and you will name him Jesus..." and Savy said "hey WAIT! God told Mary what to name her baby?? That's not nice, you should get to pick your baby's name!" LOL When I asked her who's baby was he really? She DID know that he was really God's baby boy...BUT she still thinks that a Mama should be able to name her own baby...haha  It has just warmed our hearts how much they have enjoyed the 'fun things' too...They have been things like - make paper snowflakes, have a picnic in front of the tree, buy gifts for a needy child, make and send a card to someone in the military, donate food to the local food pantry, string Christmas lights...

This past Saturday our kids were blessed to spend the day with our youth group while we went caroling for the afternoon.  We took a group of about 20-25 middle and high schoolers around to give back to the community. We met up with some great folks from the Salvation Army, learned a bit about their Angel Tree program, and then headed out for the afternoon.  We went around to several different locations and spent some time caroling at the 'red kettles' at each location.  It was funny to see how as people bustled by in their rush to shop, they would almost always start singing along with us.  It was a LONG day and our kiddos were troopers. We ended up the evening with our Youth group's progressive dinner.  I just can not say enough about our church family, the fabulous youth group that we have, and most of all our AMAZING youth pastor...Colby is a gem. I'm pretty sure that my children actually think he is related to us since we are all together so much...good thing since he loves our kids almost as much as they love him ;) 

I'm not sure where I was going with this when I started...I have more to say, but it is getting quite late.  I will have to finish tomorrow.  But before I say goodbye, another melt my heart moment - at one point on Saturday afternoon I hear Savy say to Colby "hey Colby...you know what we did last night?!? We shopped for our needy childs..." Maybe, just maybe they are starting to get it...


Until next time...all our love, the Nortons4

How did I get HERE??

It wasn't my choice to become a teacher. Some days I am not sure at all how I got here...I mean, growing up my sister and I did our share of 'playing school.' But I did not come from a family of teachers, I did not feel growing up that I HAD to be a teacher. One one hand, as I was growing up I could have been anything that I wanted to be.  But really, when I was growing up there were only two things that I wanted to be...one was a journalist, and the other was a lawyer. And I had some AMAZING teachers that encouraged both of these possibilities. From 2nd grade...through high school, I can still name the ones who made a difference: Mrs. Burgess, Dianne Smith, Dr. Short, Debbie Dudek, Ted Backes, Shirley Council, Burt Podhurst, Dennis Horal, Linda (Carter) Backes, Mr. Hastings. I know I am blessed to still be in touch with a few of them to this day.

 
It's funny though,I believe this idea that I could be 'anything' is also what lead me to finally become a teacher...many years later.  I don't know if I was a likable student, but I was certainly NOT the Honor Society/yes sir/yes ma'am student that my older sister was.  I had my share of fun (and her share, and a few others ;) made enough poor choices to last a life time, hit the absence limit EVERY semester, and never because I was sick...Let's just say that we are hoping the kids follow in their sweet Daddy's footsteps and not mine!  So when I think about all of the things that I 'could' have been....I could have very easily never even gone to college - just gotten pregnant (more than once) and then who knows....I could have easily gone down the path of drugs and heavy drinking, and to the dark world beyond....I could have dropped out of school easily, many times...might have missed college all together if it wasn't for the voice in middle school who told me 'you HAVE to go - YOU will have a blast, you will find yourself...' those were the 3 hardest years of my life, except for hearing that over and over during 8th grade.

I think it has probably been part.. fear of 'what might have been' and a whole lot of...by the Grace of God that has led me to the classroom, but there is no doubt that it is my mission field.  I have a saying, almost a mantra that I try to live by...it is written on the inside cover of my Bible and I mention it almost weekly at our FCA/CL meetings. "You may be the only Jesus that someone sees that day." I try to carry that out in my classroom and often feel as if I spend from 8:00 - 3:15 parenting every day...and often don't have much left when my own kids get up the hill...but those are just the days that we pray extra hard. Our kids see us pour everything into our jobs, they see us love 'our kids' and 'Daddy's boys' and we wouldn't have it any other way.  We have opened our home to students in need in the past, and they have become family, and I'm sure we will do it again.  I've gone to graduations and cried because I am so proud of how far my kids have come, and I've gone to too many funerals...and sobbed, devastated by the thought of a life cut way too short.  It never gets easier...but I wouldn't change a thing, not one. Every bad choice, every rough year, it lead me here...it put me right here with these students...who I know in my heart of hearts need me.  They need to hear what I have to say, they need to learn from my poor choices and my bad decisions, and they need to see my Jesus.